Explaining This Thing That I Cannot Explain

I have been in love before. Of that I have no doubt.

I loved Brad. I certainly loved my family. Without question I love my daughter.

But Jeff...

Wow.

How many tears have I shed? How many broken hearts because of him? How long have I waited?

And for what?

It's not for those moments of intensity - the successes in our business when we jump together and shriek and laugh. It's not for the way those beautiful eyes can make my spine dissolve. And it is not for the slow, deep kisses.

It's something else.

It's for those unremarkable, quiet times when we're just together watching tv or sitting on a couch. It's for that "click" I feel in every synapse that tells me everything has just fallen into perfect place.

I do not know what our future holds. I do not know if we'll make it work forever (though I can hope)...

I do know he is the great love of my life.

I know he always will be.

Even if I do not know why.

Bad Blogger! Bad Blogger!!!

Oh my....

I am a terrible blogger.

I had stopped even thinking about this blog because life has been so hectic until Jeff asked if I still blogged. I logged on while we spoke and saw the comments and now I feel terrible guilty to have worried anyone.

But...

(drum roll)

One anonymous commenter asked me "This relationship has not changed in a year and a half, do you really expect it to now?"

The truth is - of course I did!

Wondering how it's played out?

Have I been a fool?

Am I broken hearted?

Hmm...

Well, yes. I have been a fool.

Thank god, I was.

Bloggies, I am thrilled to pieces to report that this relationship HAS changed dramatically.

I am even happier to tell you that Jeff has become someone who has been entirely worth waiting for.

I can't tell you how it has all happened. Jeff works his program. I work mine. He has a sponsor.

He's still not able to say "I love you" but I can tell you that I believe he feels it.

We are happy.

He's dropped a few comments about us living together in the future. A few times he mentioned marriage very off-handedly...as if he sees it.

Don't get me wrong, we have our moments. We spend a lot of time together, we irritate one another, we step on each other But we work it out easily and smoothly and we don't for one moment doubt we will be together.

I know this story is far from over, but it's been on a VERY happy path for quite some time now.

Even more surprising is that my insecurity and jealousy issues have drastically improved. Right down to Jill - the woman he once left me for - contacting him and it bothered me for all of 40 minutes before it was ancient history. It never even phased him. He was where he wanted to be.

I love Jeff and his character has really changed. He is actually becoming the man he used to try to pretend to be. He is honest, he shows integrity and he is a joy to be around.

Bloggies...for now (and for a while now!) I find myself happy.