Notes
There are things I want to post, but I just can't. I am so nauseated and so sick that it's impossible to focus long enough to write.
I have an appointment for Saturday morning to finish this. I'm almost desperate to get it over with.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
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6 comments:
Its a baby! not this..
With all the respect...
It is a baby, but I completely and totally understand the feelings. Heck, I found out I was pregnant 4 days after my exhusband walked out on me (found out while getting checked for STD's because I found out all the things he'd been doing behind my back). I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant, but surprise! The insanity that is Jeff, coupled with your difficulty carrying to term and health issues - it is best to have something done. And anyone that judges or has anything else to say - if you have to be able to mentally get through this weekend and call it a "this" .... I'm 100% behind you.
~Kris~
All support to you. Of course it's not an easy decision but based on who Jeff is, a tie to him is something you really don't need. You need to protect yourself and Taylor - don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing what you need to for yourself and her. Hugs and I'll keep you in my thoughts.
A prayer that peace finds you and sits on your shoulder.
Just to clarify - I wasn't referring to the baby as "this".
"This" was a summarization of all that is Jeff. "This" refers to the appointment itself. "This" refers to the illness and crippling fatigue and nausea I've been dealing with while still being a single mother and working 2 jobs. "This" represents what I see as breaking any tie to Jeff.
It is a baby. True. A baby I have no ability to carry. If you've ever read back in my blog you will find I suffered an unbearably painful loss when my son was born at 5 months pregnancy while I lay alone and unattended in a hospital room. I was afraid to look under the sheet and see if he was dead or alive. He was dead. I also had a miscarriage about this time a year ago.
I have no emotions about ending a pregnancy that would end without my intervention anyway. This is only a precaution to take action before nature takes its course. It would be most inconvenient for my daughter to discover me in a pool of blood or some other horrific scenario that is almost guaranteed to play out.
Last night I found myself awakened and in enough pain that I nearly called 911 and only held off to avoid scaring Taylor. In all likeliness, the miscarriage is close but the procedure will allow it to be cleanly managed and prevent infections.
Judge. Don't judge. It doesn't matter. This situation is what it is.
hope all went well. my thoughts are with you this weekend. hugs.
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