To Whom It May Concern

(I have updates and thoughts to post, but first I needed to get this out)

I miss you.

I know that I shouldn't. I know it's wrong. But I do. I miss you. I felt it the minute you left the city. Somehow I just knew you were gone. The next day I went to the house we shared.

I walked the emty rooms. I stared out the windows. I remembered being with you in these walls and I cried. I sat on the patio where we had watched countless sunsets and I tried so hard to say goodbye. When I left, I picked up a small rock. It's all I have left of the "dream house" where I loved you for so many days and nights.

I look at your life now. Sure, I don't know it all - but I have a pretty good idea. You have no money. Your career is in chaos. You are in debt so deep that you may never find a way out. The walls are closing in, just as I knew they would. You lost everything too...

Why don't you ever stop and realize that it all fell apart for you too when we split? Why doesn't it ever register to you that you were happy and making progress when we were together. We were a team. You smiled all the time. You seemed happy to be with me. We laughed every second we were together. You were better focused because we had common goals.

You could always talk to me. You could always turn to me. You would wake me in the dead of night to talk about stresses or ideas and I would sit up with you and listen. Why wasn't that enough for you?

You wanted to be loved and accepted. I gave you that. You wanted to be understood and I was always the only one who ever did. You wanted a partner and I fought your battles by your side. You wanted a friend and I shared that with you too. You wanted a lover and we made love every night we were together. You wanted passion and they don't come more passionate than me. I can be passionate about a sandwich and you knew it. You told me I was all you needed...but why wasn't it true?

It's been six months. I'm not over it. I'm so far from over it. I can't understand how I can feel this way if what we had wasn't real. I can't understand how you don't see that when you were with me - you were doing so well...professionally, at home, with your goals - and all of it fell apart when you stopped loving me.

Why doesn't all of that add up to you?

Someone who loves you and fills your every need. Someone who makes you laugh. Someone who makes your life make sense and makes your days better. A best friend. A lover. A partner.

I filled that order in every way. I was to you the one thing people search for their entire lives.

Why don't you feel as though you lost the best thing?

I need to get over you so badly but I just spin my wheels. Everything reminds me of you at every turn.

I miss you.

Why did you never miss me? Why wasn't I enough?