TGIM

Thank God it's Monday.

Bet you never hear that one.

After a hellacious weekend, it ended on a good note and I'm relieved Monday is here.

I saw Jeff for a bit. We met up with another couple for drinks. Jeff was great and as usual, it ended in amazing sex. We seem to be far more open with each other and exploring new things together and in bed it's been nothing short of mind-blowing sex for many hours at a time, leaving us both dazed and limp after.

He did cross the line though.

He seemed to not want to let me go. He seemed to want me to stay, to sleep beside him, to lay in his arms. I think it afected him because I got the call this morning (just now) about boundaries and feelings.

I pointed out that I felt I was doing a great job of keeping him compartmentalized and that the problem may be on HIS end and he agreed. He admitted that he wants to see other people but hinted that he was worried about how he would feel about me being with another man.

We plan to talk more in email. We're both at work and he talks better in text just the same.

So for the time being, I can focus on the sex.

WOW....

I know I bitched about Jeff not being Superman in the sack when we split - and it actually was true, but lately....

Holy crap....

Short of introducing other people into bed, we've done it all and it's gone really, really well. There are things he can physically do to me and with me that I never enjoyed with other people and with him it's fantastic. Things I didn't even know that I liked. We have relaxed enough to talk dirty, to role-play a bit. Sometimes he dominates, sometimes I do. No matter what we try lately, it works too well.

So...of course, he is scared.

And he should be. I can openly admit that I will always love him but can never be with him in an exclusive relationship but he lost the best he's ever going to find when he lost me and I think he's beginning to realize it.

Hence him initiating feelings talks.

I have no pity for him in this area. Jeff never really had a heart to break. If he somehow gets hurt in this process he can deal with it the same way that I had to. Get strong, survive and move on.

I can be with him, love him and enjoy him and still go home and turn it off. It took getting my heart shattered to be able to do it.

There's a small part of me that wouldn't be sorry if he had to go through it too. An eye for an eye.