Busted...

The title may seem glib, but the post is not. I'm busted. I told Brad I was going by to drop money off to Jeff last night (insurance money) and today I was confronted by phone about what's going on.

I wasn't sure where he'd gotten his information from...so I admit that I didn't admit that I had slept with Jeff. But now I know it was pointless anyway because I just this moment found out how Brad knew.

He read this blog.

He had every right to. It's unfortunate that he read it just as I decided to 'end' it with Jeff and not in the future when it was a thing of the past but I suppose to some extent it's just as well.

The conversation actually gave me a chance to understand it all myself.

I did what I did because I am lonely. I don't know that I even realized it until I had to explain my actions.

I've posted about countless invites extended to Brad that he refused. My sister-in-law's fiancee says I call her too much. There's NO one that wants to spend time with me in my life and when Jeff called I went running as much because someone called at all as because it was him.

I admit that Jeff is the last person I should spend time with, but I can only defend my actions by saying that until you are as alone as I am you can not judge.

Either way, I have no plans to see Jeff anymore or to continue seeking attention from him. I'm not proud of what I did, but I don't regret it either. I can honestly say that for the brief time I played along, I enjoyed someone's attention again.