Fill this Space

I'm still frustrated. I realized I was really enjoying what amounted to harmless flirting and it was entertaining me in a way I had missed. I'm frustrated because I don't really have another outlet for it.

I thought a lot about what it is I 'need' in my life right now. I know I tend to think I need someone to love, but I think that what I really need is a social life complete with people I can enjoy that sort of flirtation with. Not so much dating, just a social circle where I can indulge a little.

It's not even really about sex. I've been celibate for my longest stretch ever at this point and I'm not sure I remember what sex without batteries is.

My other realization was that every relationship I had stemmed from that same sort of flirtation and I am only comfortable flirting with men I work with. (How awful is that?) I need that daily interaction to reach a comfort level to be able to play.

I feel just full of frustration. When I can flirt I feel beautiful and sexy and when I can't, I feel invisible and frumpy.

...and I hate feeling invisible and frumpy.