Falling Apart Again
I'm unfocused. I'm stressed to the maximum of what I can tolerate. This morning I blew my top on Taylor because she did something stupid and irresponsible.
After I dropped her off, I called the Employee Assistance Program hotline to talk to someone. They said someone would call me back, but when they did it was 30 minutes later and I was already at work and could not talk then.
My fuse is lit and I feel like I am falling apart. The pressure on me is so heavy and intense that I can't breathe. I'm supposed to move in 10 days and the HOA has been completely unresponsive to my approval process. I'm tired from work. I'm stressed from the crisis. I'm feeling VERY alone. I'm deeply depressed and barely want to go on.
I know that the incident triggered much of this in me.
I've walked around feeling like it should have been me.
I'm tired, used, broken down, unhappy and alone. It should have been me who was killed (or the victim of the attempted murder) rather than some young new father with a wife and a happy life.
PTSD at it's finest, folks.
4 comments:
It should not have been you, single mother doing her best to make ends meet. Moving is so close...hang on, I know it'll be better when you have your own place.
I hope you've been able to call the Employee Assistance program again.
I so wish I could help you somehow...
Hang on for one more day...
Like the song...
Be strong..
you are almost there.
It should not have been you. It shouldn't have been anybody. You're a young mother with a daughter that relies on you. Even though things aren't the best for you right now, people would still miss you. Remember, tomorrow is a better day and its usually a better one. Hang in there.
Talk to the counselor, you've come too far to fall apart now.
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