Slow

I did finally speak to a counselor at the EAP (Employee Assistance Program) yesterday and found it a waste of time. She was nice, but I really didn't need a stranger telling me "Just remember to eat, sleep and exercise".

Huh?

I've barely eaten. I can't sleep and exercise? Just not up to it.

What did help was another story. My restaurant held a 3:00 meeting with anyone who wanted to talk and our General Manager.

I wasn't sure who would show - but a handful of us did. We all agreed that we felt closer. Some of us cried. The Manager in Training - now a new hire manager for us told us his version of events. He was the one who pulled Javi off of Lamar and basically saved Lamar's life. He's probably the most shaken of us.

It helped to talk this way and my General Manager expressed his concerns for me. He'd heard I'd been down. At the end, he hugged me.

I worked last night and my 'real' help began. Tuesdays are my favorite nights. We have a good mix of staff and we all like working together on Tuesdays. I found myself enjoying the night - laughing with co-workers, teasing others, flirting with the 22-year old cook who can make me blush in a wink and best of all I made good money. I only had 6 tables all night but every check was $100 or more and I made $100 in tips.

So, last night - I slept.

My next major hurdle is this move. I'm unfortunately counting on a large chunk of money that is supposed to be direct deposited into my bank on Friday. If it doesn't hit I wil panic because I'll be almost $900 short. If it DOES hit I will be relieved beyond words.

So, now I wait.

I have a meeting with the Homeowner's Association in an hour or two to review the rules of the community.

I think that once Friday passes, I will be relieved and ready to move ahead. Right now I am still just a ball of stress.

And still lonely.