Absolutely. Deeply. Always.

Someone asked me two questions today. (1) Had I ever been in love and (2) Had I ever been loved?

My answer was the same to both.

Absolutely. Deeply. Always.

Just because you can't be with someone doesn't mean you don't love them or stop loving them. It only means you can not be together.

There's more to life than finding the love of your life. You have to find the love of your life that you can be with. That's my path.

I loved Jeff absolutely, deeply and always. It doesn't matter how horrible he can be or what has happened in the past or what happens in the future. I'll always love him. I'll just never be with him again.

But I also know that he loved me the same way. I know that will never change. Lord knows we've both tried everything from hatred to ambivalence and it never dies. We just can never be together.

There's a Hinder song called "Better than Me". Jeff emailed me to say it reminded him of me. I can see that.

Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie reminds me of him.

When he and I do hang out, it's not all about the booty call. We literally hang out. We laugh, we talk, we compare news and stories and plans. We can talk about all of the things that would be taboo to say to anyone else.

I know that it will never matter who comes along in his life. He dates women all of the time - none of them connect to him like I did. It's the same for me. I told him once that his girlfriends don't bother me because I have as much of Jeff as anyone ever has had or ever will have. He agreed. Maybe the same is true in reverse.

It hardly matters. It only makes it harder to find someone new because they have to reach me on a deeper level and strike a spark greater than Jeff ever did.

Moving on will never be easy. But I am and I will. There will be someone someday. When I am ready.

And I am not ready.