Fun Junkie

I know some of my recent actions aren't approved of. I don't blame you. They conflict me too. But to not share them here is cheating myself of the diary experiece - so I have to risk the wrath and continue on...



I'm seeing Jeff again. Not seeing him-seeing him, but we occasionally hang out and chat online or talk on the phone. It's actually probably the best it could be. We're much more honest with one another and there's no pressure to pretend anything is anything that it's not. I think to some extent we are both enjoying the new aspect of the friendship and it's taken a lot of stress off. I know this sends up red flags for most, but I have to admit that I actually think this level of "friendship" might work for us both and there's less drama. Jeff actually takes a lot of initiative to call me to talk or hang out, which is new, and when it works for me, I go along...when it doesn't - I pass. If I have other plans, they come first.

And yes, we've slept together again. Sunday night most recently. We'd hung out, eating cold fried chicken and mostly just talking and laughing like kids. At one point we ended up kissing and before we knew it, we were doing the dirty deed.

I can hear you calling me stupid, you know....

Sure, I hold on to him in ways. He holds on right back. I have no confusion over what we are. Friends with Benefits. Period. Do I think there's a deeper connection that keeps us together in ways? Absolutely. Does it mean a damn thing on a larger scale? Hell, no.

The party Saturday night was a great time. Chris and I definitely connected but by Sunday it was already fizzling. As of last night (Monday) it was pretty much done. I am annoyed that my fun is over. A little moreso because I actually liked him. Still, it had no real possibilities to amount to much more than fun and the ending is most likely necessary to let me find and focus on new fun. I was enjoying the distraction that was Candy-Boy and I feel like my fun was spoiled.

I have realized that I seem to really enjoy having larger and larger circles of friends and flirtations. I want to expand the flirtations circle but finding worthy candidates is a tough one...

I'm a bit of a fun-junkie. I thrive on the fun and games and when they end, I am disappointed...like a kid the day after Christmas.

Which is how I feel today.