Bewildered

I am completely bewildered.

Jeff called me last night and leveled a number of accusations at me thrown at him by his ex-wife. They included conspiracies to screw with his children and a list of vindictive plots which I am amazed he could find me capable of.

I've been open and honest with Jeff from day one. I've never kept anything from him and to the contrary I have probably been far too open in sharing my thoughts and feelings with him both in person and on my blog.

Yet somehow, he actually believed it was all a lie and that I was this great mastermind of deception. To believe the things he seems to suspect me of would mean I was an even bigger psychopath than he is himself. It would mean my entire blog has been a lie. It would mean I have hidden this great talent for being evil from him.

Huh?

Do I come across in my posts as this big schemer?

The things I was accused of were things that I could only be capable of if I were to end all ties with Jeff. Yet, I have consistantly posted about loving him and being there for him. I have posted my hopes of being friends. I have gone out of my way to be a friend to him through this as much as he lets me - do these sound like the actions of a woman deviously plotting to ruin him?

Most of the accusations ex-wife leveled at me could have been twisted and interpreted from my blog. In one entry I commented that Jeff was moody, grouchy and tired and short tempered with the kids while they were there. All true, but somehow this was stated to him as "she said you slept all week and when the kids woke you, you yelled at them". It's a close translation, but a translation nonetheless.

Jeff bewilders me. He is running wild at this point. He's out late every night, he's tense and I know he is just not being honest with anyone. He says he is tired of the drama (me too) but I have to point out that he is the drama. His current way of life is the source of all of his drama. I'm home each night with my daughter watching tv, helping with homework, talking to friends and blogging. Where's my drama? My life is relatively quiet (and sad) until Jeff stirs something up.

I suppose given the past that I am not surprised ex-wife has accused me of all of these things. What I am surprised at is that Jeff lacks the common sense to see that (while pathetic) I have never stopped being there for him or trying to help him. I'm surprised he could think me capable of so much evil.

Really. If I were...wouldn't we be perfect for each other?

The funny thing is that although I am upset that he would accuse me of these things - I am not nearly as upset as I should be. Rather, I feel sad that he could see me that way and somewhat disappointed that he isn't clever enough to put two and two together.

Could I really secretly be this great, evil, manipulative mastermind and have managed to hide this from him (and you, my blog) for all of these years?

Hey, I'm smart. I'll cop to that. But evil? Me? Really????