Grace

This song has become my personal anthem for the moment...

Grace
by Kate Havnevik

I'm on my knees
only memories
are left for me to hold

Dont know how
But Ill get by
Slowly pull myself
together

Theres no escape
So keep me safe
This feels so unreal

Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it seems
Turn my grief to grace

I feel the cold
Loneliness unfold
Like from another world

Come what may
I wont fade away
But I know I might change

Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it was
Turn my grief to grace

Nothing comes easily
Where do I begin?
Nothing can bring me peace
Ive lost everything
I just want to feel your embrace

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I'm always going to love him.

Always.

He's been a horrible person. He's been horrible to me. He's not even remotely worthy of my love, but I still love him. I love the part of him that I know exists inside of him. I love the real Jeff who is still struggling to find himself.

I cannot be with him now. Maybe never. But there is still a piece of me that believes in him A piece of me that believes in love

I know he has a mental disorder but I've seen him try to face it. I've seen him try. He just quit. He let it get bigger than himself. He gave up and decided he was going to be locked into a life of lies and loneliness. And for all the brief moments of comfort he might find, ultimately they will all go away and the loneliness will always be there.

But so will I.

For what he's done, for what's become of us now - I will still always be there for him. I will still always be there to help him, to comfort him, to give him a moment's peace or to just understand him.

And if he should ever be ready to try to face it all, I will be there if he needs me, there to support him and love him through it. Whether he loves me back or just leans on me - if he calls, I'll be there.

Because I still believe. I still believe in him.

And I still believe in the love we had once.

We're over to the point that I don't expect him to read this ever again so I feel like I can be a bit more free with what I say here. If he does read it - I hope he'll remember it.

Now is not the time for either of us, but when he needs someone - I will always be there.