Adventures in Online Dating

I have dating profiles up on 3 sites. eHarmony, Match.com and AdultFriendFinders. Yes, I know the 3rd is sleazy, but let me explain...

First, eHarmony is totally fucking with me.

29 points of deep level compatability? I don't think so. I get matched with men who can not spell. And I mean REALLY can not spell. One misspelled his occupation "mantince" which I learned was "Maintenance". Yeah... Another "faut" in the middle east. Recently all of my matches are arriving in my inbox posed beside Harleys. Today, two matches are covered in head to toe tattoos and one has bizarre metal facial piercings ALL over his face. And, let's not forget that I was actually matched with a professional juggler/mime earlier this week.

Oh honey...I wish I were making that up. eHarmony is getting cancelled.

Okay, Match.com? Slightly better. Although many older, overweight men are being matched to me. I've had no luck there either. Match.com? Cancelled.

AFF or AdultFriendFinders? I get 50 emails a day. Some super-hot men. Single. All read my VERY specific profile and seem to be the most real. And I am a free member. Yes, it is considered a sex and swingers site, but the number of men looking for the same thing I am is huge. Mark was from AFF. Actually, all the men I met were.

AFF? Stays.

I hate online dating. I am glad I met Mark - or I think I am...we'll see. I am mildly interested in meeting a few more on there. I'd really prefer to meet them all in the real world but working alone from home and playing single mom is making that impossible. I maybe get out once a week.

Today I am feeling discouraged. Let's say I do meet a great guy. What do I do about it? At best I can go out with him every Friday night. Is that going to be enough for him?

I suspect I will be a spinster.

And yes, the single mom thing is getting under my skin these days.

I was sick yesterday. I still had to take care of my child although I had a fever and felt awful. No rest for me. When she was sick, I had to drive her to the store for medicine and she was so sick that she had to lie in the car while I ran for Nyquil. I have NO help. I let Brad know she was sick - Brad lives LITERALLY 1.5 minutes away from me now - he was busy with his friends. He said he would call the next day to check on her. It was late in the day before he even tried.

When she messes up in school, Brad is quick to say take away tv and her GameBoy! Ok....and when she is sitting there bored and I am busy with work - what exactly does he want me to do? She has no room of her own to sit in. She interrupts me every 2 minutes. She has no toys because there's no ROOM. She can't play outside because it's 'not a great neighborhood'.

When I sleep - in the room with her - I get woken up all night.

I have no break. No help. No rest. No time for myself. No plan to solve this.

I am tired.

I love my daughter, but I was never cut out to play single mother and it's exhausting me. Brad annoys me by showing up 1 or 2 times a week and letting me know what I should be doing. I should be helping her study for Math every night. I should be working with her on her schoolwork.

Ok. When??? I drive 80 miles a day to take her to and from her old school. We get home at about 7:30 at night and it's time to feed her. Then she needs a bath. Then it's bedtime. I wake her at 6 am and drive her to school (chugging coffee the entire 1 hr roundtrip). Then I come home and work.

I don't have time for showers these days without having to wait until everyone is in bed and then I can't even take a damned shower because the ONLY shower is leaking and the pressure has to be turned down so far that it is physically impossible to wash my hair.

I don't have time to eat. I don't have time to do one thing to take care of myself.

I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm unhappy.

And do you know who cares?
Not. One. Damned. Person.

I have not cried in almost 2 weeks. But I'm close to it today. Too close.