Thursday

Sometimes I can't write everything here. I write nearly everything, but occasionally I have a small moment that I have to keep within me.

Hence, the lyrics below. Someday when I reflect back, I should get what it referred to.

I'm okay today. I'm disappointed that Mark cancelled last night and to be honest, it makes me question him. Was it a legitimate cancellation? Can I trust that he's honest? Did he just get scared too? I wonder...

I'm going to back off of Mark. If he comes to me, great, but last night rubbed me the wrong way (when I was counting on it to rub me the right way) and we'll have to see how it goes from here.

I have over 90 emails in my inbox from men begging to meet me. Some are incredibly hot and some are great looking and some are ok. I suppose I should start responding to them and feel them out to see who I want to meet. I really have become terrible...I am lazy to respond to them, I ignore them for days or weeks at a time. I feel like it takes too much energy to get to know someone new and I just don't feel like it.

I have noticed I seem to like guys better on the 2nd and 3rd meetings. On the 1st I am usually feeling like it's a job interview. Sooooo, tell me about yourself???

I prefer not to talk. Sit me down for a drink or a meal and tell me about you, your friends, your job, current events...just don't make me talk. I'm not insecure (every guy that has met me has tried like hell to meet me again) - I just hate having to talk.

Told ya I was guarded.

I hate phone and IMs even more. I'm so busy mentally screening them for a fit that the smallest thing said or done that raises my eyebrow can disqualify them.

Still...I do want a full dance card and I suppose I have to put in the footwork to get the right partners. I don't want to keep more then 2-3 on the bench because I have only a few free nights and I don't like juggling them. Mark's still on my bench (though sliding down the line at this rate) so I need 2 more.

And Mark? He mentioned Friday night. We'll see. If there is no Friday night, he's being retired.

Meanwhile....I'm tired. Late night.