What. The. Fuck. Was. THAT?!?

Occasionally you have a night where the wheels just come off and things get a little crazy.

Last night was that night.

I don't know who I was last night, but it was not me.

I met Mark at a local upscale Mexican restaurant. He wanted to find a place somewhere between his home and mine so we did not have to drive far...I told him I didn't mind driving if he wanted somewhere near him and he said "If we're close to my house and things get a little frisky, I'll be trying to get you back to my house..."

I remained silent. (Thinking yes....and???)

"...and that would be bad. So THIS time I'll behave."

Me thinking "Shit...I shaved for THIS?!?!?" It was our THIRD date! Doesn't he watch Sex & The City??? WTF???

Still, I am a woman so I was not deterred.

I walked into the restaurant at our agreed upon time and surveyed the bar. I didn't see him but an older man saw me and shouted HERE I AM!!! Waving and grinning. When I didn't see Mark on the 2nd scan I walked over towards the man and said, "Okay, you'll do!" We laughed and the man flirted with me for a few moments - asking if my date didn't show could he be my date, buying me a drink, etc.

Mid conversation Mark strolled in - looking damned fine in jeans and a DKNY Jeans button down shirt. He spotted me and headed over to my new friend's disappointment and appraised the situation with a glance before patting the man's back and telling him "A swing and a miss, buddy!" and escorting me away.

Ok, Mark confuses the hell out of me. He can talk non-stop and tell long-ass stories until he almost bores me to tears - but I like what he says. He's a good guy with a good head on his shoulders and I really like him.

We dined and I drank margaritas while he threw back beers. Dinner was nice, but I was wondering what next.

Yeah....

We closed the restaurant at 10:30 (???) and walked outside to where my truck was parked. He told me he had a great time and he had to go. He had to get his house ready for his own party the next day (long story) and he promised his friends who were hosting his party that he would be home early.

The kissing began...

Not shy by now, we were much more close. I pulled him against me, we kissed the deep, long, slow, wet kisses that seemed to last forever (I kept hearing Kevin Costner from Bull Durham in my head). He was hard and large enough that I could feel a signifigant portion of him. He cupped my breast. He rubbed my ass. More kissing.

And...then he left.

I swear to God, I was dumbfounded.

I actually sat in my truck in the parking lot for the longest time puzzling over this.

Then, my cell chirped. Text message. Mark.

(Mark) Hot lips!! *boing*

I replied Tease...

(Mark) I'm not a tease

(Christine) You sure know how to send a girl home all worked up...

(Mark) Does this help? ((SENDS ME A PICTURE OF HIS PENIS....(It's HUGE). I'm bordering on PISSED RIGHT NOW - or the margaritas are still affecting me))

(Christine) Now you are teasing!

(Mark) Guess not

(Christine) Definitely not. I had to pull over.

(Mark) I am worked up also - perhaps you noticed?

(Christine) I noticed :) Buit you still sent me away...I am stunned! You must have an iron will!

(Mark) I want the first time to be nice. not rushed (Ed. note: I actually liked this one...)

(Christine) I had all night, baby!

(Mark) I did not have all night (ED NOTE. : SENDS ME ANOTHER PICTURE OF HIS PENIS AT THIS POINT...IT"S MAGNIFICENT. I AM NOT NORMALLY A PENIS PICTURE FAN BUT THESE ARE MAKING MY MOUTH WATER)

(Christine) Do you really think it's wise 2 get me this turned on and leave me for the night? (At this point I send him my own picture. A subtle shot of me sliding my bra strap down while still in my car)

(Mark) Show me more...

(Christine) I like you.... :) ...and if I do???

(Mark) Make me happy

(Christine) Oh, I'd like to make u very happy right now

(Mark) Mmmm Tell me

(Christine) I'm so much better at showing...

(Mark) I'm erect

(Christine) Then you should not be alone...

The End.

It's 11 pm on a Friday night and I am buzzed and I am NOT going home. I drive myself to the Hard Rock Casino.

Warning!!! I can only say I think I became possessed by some slut at this point. The following is completely out of character for me and I am shocked at my own behavior.

I stroll in, find a seat at an outdoor bar and order a drink. The first and only drink I intend to pay for.

It doesn't take long. Lonely woman at a bar...the sharks move in.

The man to my left makes the first move. He's sorta cute, not my type. He's very drunk. He's from Chicago. He tells me his name is James or something.

We talk, joke, laugh and drink. I'll spare you the conversations because they were stupid. It was drunken stupid talk.

James is traveling with his brother who he sent up to the room (hotel attached to casino) just as he began to chat me up. He rambles, etc.

An hour passes. Maybe 2. I have no idea. I'm loaded.

He's worse...

It gets blurry here. We begin to kiss. It's ok. James isn't my kinda guy but I'm turned on, sex-deprived and this is exactly what I came here looking for.

We spend the next hour kissing, light fondling. He's kissing my neck in a way that feels so good. He's whispering to me. "Oh baby, you are so beautiful. So sexy. I want you. I have to have you."

I'm in.

EXCEPT....James is sharing a room with his BROTHER. And no matter how drunk I am, I am not fucking stupid. That is NOT happening.

He begs. He pleads. This goes on for an hour (which is an hour longer than it should have).

He's stroking me, kissing me...it feels so good. I am turned on even while I know how wrong this all is.

If he'd been alone...I would have been in that room.

Ok, James is either very drunk or very lonely because now he's in love. I actually laugh at him when he says it. He wants to make love to me, he wants to be with me, he needs me - blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, time to go....

I try to shake James and he's like a leach. Still begging. Still pleading. He actually wants to fuck me in his room with his sleeping brother in the other bed.

No. Fucking. Way.

Yea, and not the damned bathroom either. Don't tell me we'll be quiet - I didn't come here for "quiet".

I'm partially pissed off now. This is the 2nd time a guy has turned me on and NO SEX tonight. Granted, if I were a total WHORE I could have gone up, fucked James and probably the brother as well.

James is more and more in love. He is pacing. As he does, a man passing stops and grabs my hand and smiles. James nearly jumps him yelling "Take a hike, buddy!!!" Moments later, another man passes and stops to kiss my cheek for no apparent reason. James is sulking now. He tells me to stop flirting with other men.

I say goodnight and try to leave. It's 4 am. I am slowly coming back to sober after being shitfaced.

James is unshakable. I actually think he might cry. He is literally grabbing me. At one point he grabs my hand hard and I yelp. I'm not afraid - because I have 2 inches of height on him and he's built small.

After 20 minutes of arguing now, I shake him. I don't look back. I know if I do, he is standing there watching me leave and probably in tears.

Unfuckingbelievable.

I get in my truck, ask myself what the fuck that all was about and begin to drive home. I check my cell phone. Mark had texted me again. It says "Very soon"

I reply You're worth waiting for

...and even though it's very, very late - he replies. He says "I like the sound of that"

I get home, pass out and wake up with a bitch of a headache and a dry mouth. And here I am. Sitting in my robe nursing room temperature water and waiting for the Excedrin to kick in.

It'll be a fucking week before I have another chance to have sex. At least...

But Mark did call first thing this morning and that was nice :)