...and we're back

The trip was a decent one. I enjoyed the time with my sister and LOVED the concert. Blue October rocks. I got a great shirt and I am madly in love with the lead singer.

It was about a 4 hour drive and we did fine. We sang along to cd's, chatted and just enjoyed the peace. The peace was sorely needed...

Saturday morning, before we left, I met my sister at David's Bridal where she was having her wedding dress altered for her April wedding. I had zero apprehensions about going there, in fact it was my idea...but as usual, I am a fool.

I walked in and began to look for her amid dozens and dozens of women modeling gowns of tulle, satin and lace in front of mirrors for their families and friends and something just snapped. I wanted to run through the place screaming. I wanted to set the gowns on fire. I wanted to tell them all don't do it! I began to hyperventilate. The moment I found my sister, she took one look at my face and said "Go sit outside for a minute".

I had a fucking meltdown. I had no idea it was coming, but it's yet another Jeff legacy. I'm not sure what brought it on - the hopeful brides? The idea of marriage? The fact that their shining faces radiated with an innocense and naivete that I once had? The idea that these women represented the pinnacle of a relationship?

I sat on a curb sobbing and trying to breathe. It was awful. All I could think was that it was like watching lambs being led to a slaughter and I wanted to warn them all that men lie, cheat, steal and use you. That their husbands would never be faithful. It was like Silence of the Brides and I was the young Clarice screaming.

Eventually, I recovered. It was unexpected and let me know my pain runs deep. I pity the fool that has hopes of being with me. You think I have issues? Hah! I have issues that have their own issues.

When we arrived at the Beach Resort hotel I booked, our first order of business was to dump our bags, order up two pina coladas and head for the sand.

The song Bring Me Two Pina Coladas kept running in my head.

As we sat and sipped and watched the sun melt into the turquoise ocean, my sister idly drew in the sand. She drew "Sara Loves James" and took a photo with her camera phone.

Not wanting to be outdone, I thought of Jeff and drew my own version...

It took every ounce of strength not to send it to him.

We enjoyed the hell out of the concert and grabbed a bite to eat after before heading for our rooms to sleep. In the morning we were up-and-at-em in time to grab breakfast and head home since we both worked the night.

Work was tense. On Friday night, my hotheaded sister got into a confrontation with another server that escalated into a screaming match in the crowded lobby with them face to face and screaming profanities at each other. Her foe, a young punkish kid, called her a "cunt" and stormed out.

He was fired. She was written up and warned.

His friends at the restaurant are not happy. They spent the night glaring at her, and by default, me.

I ignored it. They all think I am "nice" (how wrong they are) and I knew it wasn't personal. Still, if someone were to set upon my little sister, I would have to curb that. She is, after all, my sister.

I imagine it will blow over.

It's good to be back. I missed Taylor and called her constantly.

As usual, I am stressed and dying to move on with life. Still stockpiling spare pennies to move this spring.

I leave you with my fancy picture from last weekend. Why they looked at me and thought "bed of roses" is beyond me - but here it is.