The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of the Weekend

It's been...quite a weekend.

This post is the good, the bad and the ugly. Since I have a newly acquired troll lurking, I probably should only post the good, but I'm not that sort of person. I'm open enough to share it all and not afraid to be exactly who I am.

First, Friday night was my first night on the job and it went well. I was tired after, but just fine. Since Brad had Taylor overnight, I decided to go out with my sister after work.

We went to a beachside sports bar to meet up with her fiancee and as it turned out, his friends were there. Including the guy I mentioned briefly in the post title The Eve.

We'll call him Roger, since it's his name.

I was right about the matchmaking. My sister and her fiancee love this guy and thought he and I might hit it off. He's cute and sweet, but not my type. After "The Eve" I told this to my sister and apparently her big mouth repeated it back to him.

So...Roger was there and was clearly thrilled to see me. I knew immediately that my sister had run her mouth when Roger made a constant impassioned stand about how 'my type" had turned out crummy in the past and I should try him for a real man. He was also determined to help me "relax" and was really hitting on me.

He told me how much he'd liked me the last time we'd met. He rubbed my shoulders. He offered his services sexually.

Around 2 am, there'd been a fair amount of drinks (not for me, but them) and Roger kissed me. My sister and her fiancee promptly left.

There was no question that Roger was very into me. He was fixed on me all night and pretty direct about being attracted to me.

Whatever the reason...I left with Roger.

He rented a hotel room nearby and I finally had sex with someone other than Jeff.

It was here I realized the full impact of Jeff on me.

First, my sister had confided in me that Roger had a 'rep' for being an amazing lover. My God, I can see why. The man has a serious obsession (and talent) for oral sex and just spent hours at it. As amazing as it felt and as close as I could get, I could not relax enough to have an orgasm which I felt badly about. I will say this...this is the first man I have ever met who knew exactly what the hell to do down there and it was freakish how he seemed to know exactly how to do it. You would think he had a vagina of his own.

It was hot, dirty, tawdry and safe and Roger was stunned at the end when he himself had the male equivalent of a multiple orgasm. First one, then a breath later "oh my god" and another. He was amazed. It had never happened before to him (or any man I'd been with) and of course, he promptly fell in love.

I had to drag him out of the room and decline more sex because (1) I was nearly limping and (2) it was 6 am. He wanted to cuddle and talk and plan for seeing each other again. I wanted to go home and sleep alone. As I drove him to his truck he started trying to sell me on the idea of dating him and I openly told him I had issues from my ex and that i had become incapable of feeling anything more than low-level attraction to a guy. All true. I think he was willing to kill Jeff by the time we parted and he left pleading to see one another again. I gave him a "We'll see" and headed home.

I felt nothing. I have become a total ice-queen. The idea of a relationship turns my stomach. I just have no desire to get that close to anyone.

Sooo....all fine and well, right?

Yeah.

The next morning, my cell phone is ringing for dear life with my sister and her fiancee begging for 'the scoop'. After refusing to discuss it, I finally admitted we'd spent the night together and my sister revealed to me that she'd lost $20.

Apparently, Roger told her he really liked me and was dying to take me to bed. My sister told him I hated men (nearly true) and that he stood no chance. A 3rd friend suggested a bet and my sister and Roger each put up $20.

Roger won $20 by screwing me. I was furious. I told my sister this was a total lack of respect and just what I had come to expect of a man and when I saw her at work, I punched her in the arm hard enough to have her rubbing it the rest of the night (hey, it's my birthright).

I told her I would never see or speak to him again and she was in tears. She was never supposed to tell me about the bet and she was devastated because she said he "really, really" likes me and would be "crushed" that I was going to not see him again.

Yeah. However much he may like me, (1) he's still not my type, (2) I am not into relationships period and (3) this was a huge lack of respect.

She pointed out that he spent a hell of a lot more on the hotel than he won and I was not impressed.

Still, I enjoyed the hours we spent and I am glad to shake the stigma of having Jeff be the last man to have had sex with me.

Moving on...

Lance came into my work tonight and camped at the bar to watch me and watch football. He really is adorable. My sister hated him on sight because she is still hoping like hell I will fall for Roger. After work, she and I went for a quick drink with him and she talked to him for nearly an hour and by the end she was just as impressed with him as I have been. Adorable, sexy accent (G'day, mate!) and a gentleman through and through. He has class and is just adorable. In another life, he'd be ideal for me. In this one, he'd have to move mountains to get past my walls...and seems determined to try.

Much like Brad always did, Lance seems to know how to talk to me and sees through me. He teases me, compliments me and is very subtle, but still open about being attracted to me. I liked seeing him, he made me smile - and I think I will enjoy seeing him again.

I came home to another IM. Lance enjoyed seeing me too. He was eager to know if he'd passed the test with my sister. He let me know he can't wait to see me again too.

Sadly...Lance is cute, super sexy accent, sexy, sweet, insightful, smart, classy and perfect for me and I'm still an ice-queen. But I will admit that I like him at least and he'll be a hard one to be guarded with. Lance is extremely respectful and I like his style. Again, in another time he would be ideal. In this time, he'll need the patience of a saint, the perserverance of a martyr and the smooth moves of Don Juan to keep me from going into "hermit mode".

Other than a bitchy text message from Jeff, I have managed to not see or speak to him and I have to admit I feel a million times better. I have no desire to see or speak to him at this point.

And that makes me feel better. Staying busy helps. Avoiding him helps. I feel solid that I am making progress, but I do worry about the lasting effects.

There's a song (of course) that sums it up perfectly...

Pink - Long Way to Happy

One night to you
Lasted six weeks for me
Just a bitter little pill now
Just to try to go to sleep

No more waking up to innocence
Say hello to hesitance
To everyone I meet
Thanks to you years ago
I guess I'll never know
What love means to me
but oh

I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy

Left my childhood behind
In a roll away bed
Everything was so damn simple
Now I'm losing my head
Trying to cover up the damage
And pad out all the bruises
Do you know I had it
So it didn't hurt to lose it
Didn't hurt to lose it
No
but oh

I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way

Now I'm numb as hell and I can't feel a thing
But don't worry about regret or guilt
cause I never knew your name
I just want to thank you
Thank you
From the bottom of my heart
For all the sleepless nights
And for tearing me apart
yeah yeah

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy

And now, time to sleep. Two nights of work have left me quite tired and I have 5 more in a row to get through...

But, hey, it's helping...