The Update
Jeff didn't show at the RenFest and thank god for that. Brad had plenty of yards of beer and probably would have pounded him into the ground.
I had a great time. Before we left, Brad asked why I wasn't wearing a corset which would have been very Ren-like. I pulled one out and he laced me into it but it was indecent. One sneeze and there would have been nipple everywhere. I took it off and he was disappointed but that was as close to flirty as he got with me.
We had a great day. My sister came too and it was almost like old times except without the hand-holding and smooching and love.
At one booth they had the most amazing corsets and I tried one on and fell in love. It was perfect but it was also $300. The best part was when I was measured and had a 27 inch waist. Woohoo!
The sales girl laced me up and in demonstrating it's perfection she ordered Brad to hug me and for me to hug him back. We did and she emphasized that "corset hugs were the best".
I would have loved that corset, but it WAS $300!!!!
I did get a t-shirt that said "Women who behave rarely make history". I love it...
I did not get the 2 houses I went after. One raised his rent by $100 and the other was already under contract.
This morning, guilt set in and I emailed Jeff and thanked him for not going. I also told him I knew he was on his usual sex-match site and cheating and let him know that I was disappointed that he was still so lost.
He wrote me back that he and Jill were 'cooling it' for now. Huh.
I saw 2 more houses today before work and have an application in on yet another...we'll see.
After work I went by to leave Jeff the usual weekly insurance money and texted him that I was doing so. I didn't get a response, so I figured he was out. When I arrived his car was there - along with a beat-up pick-up truck. Guess he got lucky after all and I know it wasn't Jill. That didn't take long.
I left the money and headed home.
I bought new black pants for work today...size 8!!!! I LOVE that part!!! But I ate half a big mac on the way home so they may be tight when we switch uniforms from jeans to black pants on Thursday.
Not much else to report on really.
I think I realized that I do still feel something for Brad this weekend. Still, it's moot because it's not reciprocal. He had every opportunity to give me any sign and he played it cool. When I called him tonight after work and told him about Jeff and Jill - he was concerned. No one wants me to go near Jeff, that's for damn sure but I know it was more from protectiveness than jealousy.
Still...I wish he'd had any response to me.
I had a chance to go out Saturday night - alone - and decided to just stay in. There's just no point in meeting new people however much I would like to have someone in my life think I am special.
My hearts just not there.
3 comments:
I am glad that the crisis was avoided. I'm sure that you could have done without your ex-husband beating up your ex-boyfriend. even though Jeff would have deserved a beat down for interfering with a family event. And, despite the drama, I bet you would not be sad to see him get pounded into the ground.
Do you want for Brad to get flirty or would that just make you freak out? Are the only reasons that he's safe because you think he's wouldn't do anything to hurt you and because he's not interested? If he did reciprocate, what then?
I don't think that you will get a sign from him. He knows you better than anyone else I don't think he would do anything to add to your stress level. A little flirting would probably be harmless, but playing it cool is guaranteed not to cause problems. You've got a plan and a focus and it would probably not be the right thing to do anything that would distract you from your goals.
And I wouldn't worry about not getting a reaction from him. Even if he's got ten other girlfriends, you can be sure that something's still there after all the years that you two spent together. One of these days you'll catch him with his guard down and you'll see it.
I'm glad the crisis was avoided too. Believe it or not, I think I would have been upset to see Jeff get beaten to a pulp.
I'm not 100% sure about your question on Brad. I think I would have liked some encouragement or some response, even a small one.
I honestly think he really is just over me.
I don't know if we should be together or not. Some of the things that used to frustrate the hell out of me have not changed. If we were ever *really* together again it would be different. I'd want to have us both be independent and not feel like I had to make every decision or play "mom" to him too. He has a way of doing that. If it's his responsibility to do the dishes, for example, while you cook and such he will fill a sink with water and tell you they have to soak for 6 days. By day 3 the sink is disgusting and he's still insisting they must 'soak'. Unfortunately he applies that sort of thinking to everything from his socks to his taxes. It used to make me INSANE.
I'd like to be able to have what we had but have us both be independent. The one thing I really liked about Jeff was that Jeff was a grown up in those areas for the most part. Dishes never sat because one of us did them right away, laundry got done - I may have done most of it, but the first time I didn't he would step in.
Brad's mom was very VERY motherly and he lived at home until I married him. She did his wash, his cooking, his cleaning and he tends to still need a mother to chase after him and that annoys me.
Beyond that...yes, I have to admit that I still love him. Honestly, I probably love him more now because I have seen the other side and now I appreciate him more than I did before. I also saw how he took our split - hurt, but always respectful and always there for me even when he must have hated me. I just don't know how we could ever be together again.
I wish I did.
I have three things to say about the things. 1) Any problem that you have that would be solved by winning the lottery is not a really problem. It's just something transient that bothers you but it's really not that big of a deal. If you were the idle rich, a housekeeper would solve most of Brad's "problems" but Jeff would still be whoring around. 2) One of the reasons that Jeff liked his independence was because it gave him more room. If you truly matter to someone, they put you before themselves. It might not manifest itself in the like you would like but the sentiment is good. And 3) "… hurt, but always respectful and always there for me even when he must have hated me." People like that are hard to find. You know it's not because you are convenient or because that's what everyone expected. It may be too late but you know where you stand is his book, even after everything that happened with Rhonda? Not many other men could do what he as done.
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