Ahhh, Change. Welcome! Make Yourself at Home.

From time to time I get all witchy and discuss horoscopes and tarot readings here. My faith is rather abstract and is probably best described as a bizarre mixture of many faiths - including paganism.

I have discussed at great lengths my personal religious beliefs with devout Christians and found we are in agreement on most issues, we just approach them from different places.

One thing important to me is divination. As I have blogged before, I tend to have very definite "messages" in dreams and horoscopes and tarot cards. Believe or not, I can truly say that as a natural born skeptic, I have zero doubts about the accuracy. I may not want to believe what I see, but inevitably, it does come to be.

For the past 2 months my tarot cards have been dark and dismal. They often refer to me as a victim of ravages and of bondage. They express an inability to break free from pain and misery. They tell me over and over that I am not free of Jeff and that I am my own hostage in hurt.

...until today.

Granted, it's been at least a week and a half since I read, but there is a most definite change today. A happy one.

In a simple 3-card spread - this is my outcome:

The Past: Fluctuating economic fortune. Balancing act. Tricky launch of a new project. Qualms. Risky venture. Timing and dexterity. Shadowy scene and cunning characters. Juggling resources. Thinking on your feet. Agility needed to sail high seas. Uncanny instinct. Crafty business partner. A vague, even peculiar situation that keeps one guessing and on their toes. The dance of opposites. Ambiguity. (Ed Note: If you can't see MY past in this, you're blind. Risky? Cunning characters? This describes my past with Jeff from a financial and stability standpoint.)

The Present: Order and control. Planning and preparations. Experience. Guarding one¹s assets, whether they be ideas for the future or gains made in the past. Anticipating hostility. Reviewing defences. The discipline of a seasoned warrior. Wisdom that has come at a high price. Growth and the refining of one¹s character through a perilous passage. Preparing for a storm. Deterring or outwitting an adversary (Ed Note: Accurate. From my diligant budgeting to my careful plans to get my own place. A seasoned warrior? That's me. Experience gained at a high price - hell, yes. Growth through a perilous passage? I'm relieved this card is supportive. Previously my cards suggested I COULD learn but that I had NOT yet learned)

The Future: Inspiration. Rising to a challenge. Breakthrough in thinking. Self-reliance, spiritual strength, and confidence. Conviction and faith in vision or path. Reason reigning over impulse. Ideas empowered by desire. Creative heights and achievement. Quick thinking, humour, and balance. Revelations and transcendent thoughts. Fruitful plans and far-reaching ideas. Empathy and understanding. Marriage and fertility. (Ed Note: Happily hopeful. Thank you for the encouragement. And, hey - marriage and fertility??? My cards have such a wicked sense of humor. I often threaten to burn them...)

I'm pleased that my cards just confirmed what I suspected. I am getting over him. I have learned and grown from this. I have become (or am becoming) stronger and more self-reliant for this.

Finally! Encouragement for the future.

The love I once had for Jeff was deep and real. To me. I know I gave it and him my all. I don't blame myself for anything more than believing in him and even at that I have to accept that he tricked me. He manipulated me. He deceived me. I wasn't blind, but I was misled but someone who has been lying, deceiving and misleading women for dozens of years. He was calculated and crafty and my mistake was in following my heart without thinking he could be as evil as he turned out to be.

If I were Jeff, it would say something strong to me that someone who loved me that much could come to hate me so deeply. Even for all the hurt between Brad and I, we never hated each other and we remain friends.

I'm glad to finally have some confirmation that I am moving in the right direction.