For My Amusement...

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."--Sharon Stone

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."--Rod Stewart

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MID LIFE CRISIS

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said,"Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept ona sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house,nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and would need plasma.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crises....
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And - my favorite...

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"