Houston, We Have a Problem

Okay - two things.

First, tonight was nice. Lance was an incredible gentleman and his accent is a killer. I was completely unfocused the time because I was in a state of shock on other matters. When I got home, I had this message waiting for me...

by the way, the photo's were nice but in person, well, you're just drop dead gorgeous. I had a really nice time, easy conversation

He's pretty smooth with the words and was a lot of fun to talk to. Very smart. Sort of a shame that I can never see him again because....

Second...

I have a problem. A HUGE problem. And best of all, I don't want to discuss it with anyone and my inclination would be to blog it here but with Dawn reading - I can't.

I don't even know where to begin to figure this out. It's without a doubt the worst possible thing that could happen. I opened my mouth too soon on a few things I said earlier and it has bitten me in the ass.

There are about 400 things to figure out and the first is 'Do I do this alone or do I include the one other person who's problem this ALSO is?" then "What is my decision to handle it?"

I admit, my instinct was to include him. I texted him to say we had a big problem and then the alarm bells went off and when he asked what I didn't respond. He asked again and I told him to give me some time to think. I think I already know what I want to do and I know my family is going to FREAK the HELL out (and possibly kill someone) and I think that I may want to do this without discussing it with him. The only reason my choice might make any sense at all is because I don't think it will affect him the way it would affect another human. I think I know what he would like me to choose and my choice is exactly the opposite. My choice at the moment is based on my personal feelings and doesn't include him at all. To include him would complicate his life too, but it would also keep him a presence in my life and I don't think I want him to be that.

I don't see much sleep in my future. I start orientation for the 2nd job tomorow morning and that job will be even more important now but I have no idea how I will manage it now...

Life just got a lot harder.