...We Now Return to Our General Chaos

Ok, first I have to say I won't talk anymore right now about the problem I mentioned last night. I need to really think about how I want to handle that. Besides, with Dawn still reading this religiously like a crack addict, I'm not prepared to discuss it further.

Moving forward...

I went to my orientation today and it was good. I start tomorrow night - hit the ground running! - for training. My sister will be training me. It will either be fun or a blood bath, who knows? The manager was great. He's a single father, so he 'gets it' and we briefly ended up discussing why I wanted the job. He understands that it is as much (or more) about keeping myself very busy than for the money.

And it is...

I've been so busy today that my problems are far from my mind. I have run around wildly and am just now slowing a bit. Slowing is bad. I wish I were even busier. Busy keeps me from going crazy.

I had some time to think about my love life in the future when a friend posed a question to me about love and what I was looking for...

Looking for. Hmm. First, I am not looking (any more). If it happens, it's going to need to find me. In fact, I am deliberately structuring my life so that dating will be a challenge. My jobs are top priority to support Taylor and I. Spending time with Taylor is next on my list. A man would fall a distant 3rd. So, I suppose he would need the patience and understanding of a saint.

Love life? Pass. It only complicates things.

At this point, love will have to knock my ass down, hog-tie me and force itself down my throat because I am admittedly opposed to it.

And...to be honest, it's probabkly a moot point either way.

Last night, Taylor curled up with me in my tiny bed and watched Gilmore Girls. We're convinced that it's us. When I mentioned it to Brad he said he had always thought it was her and I. I see a lot of myself in Lorelai Gilmore and even more of Taylor in Rory.

Now I just need Luke and a small town like Stars Hollow (oh, yes - and wealthy parents) and I'm set!

My instincts were accurate with Lance last night. He's a heck of a find. He's cute, has a killer sexy accent and was thoughtful and a gentleman all the way. When I hugged him goodnight, he did seem to enjoy putting his hands on me - my shirt rode up when I hugged him and his hands were on my bare skin for a moment and he seemed to be surprised and momentarily lost in it. He didn't linger or get fresh. In fact, he was the one who asked if I was ready to go get my daughter and say goodnight and he seemed to be more concerned with me doing the things I needed to than with what he may have wanted to do.

He's smart. He told me stories about New Zealand and the history there. He was great. I suspect he's the sort who would always be considerate of my needs and feelings. I guess from my goodnight IM telling me I was "drop dead gorgeous" (that was really nice to hear!!!) that he'd like to see me again, but he seems to understand about Taylor and my job. He seems to want to meet Taylor, but that's an area I would be VERY careful in. Taylor seems opposed to it.

Ahhh, Taylor. The things that have come out with her. Taylor keeps her feelings well hidden and recently she has confessed that she hated/hates Jeff with a passion. She said that when we were together she felt like he kept me from her because he always needed my attention focused on him. She has seen how hurt I have been and she absolutely hates his guts with a passion. I suspect she is protective and wary about anyone ever coming along again. Jeff's legacy. Lovely.

Truth be told, my entire family hates his guts. My father and brother-in-law want to kill him. My sister wants to destroy him. The employees of my company want to hurt him. Brad thinks he's a piece of shit. Basically, Jeff should watch over his shoulder because if he crosses paths with them, he's in for a scene.

And they don't know the half of it. If and when they get the rest, Jeff may need to leave the country. Fast.