Friday Night

Friday Night was an adventure.

I picked Taylor up wearing a wig that my mother dropped off to my as a joke earlier that day. It was a long, straight auburn wig with red streaks and bangs. Taylor was not fooled but moments later when I stopped by my father's to pick up my paycheck he kept repeating "Holy Shit".

Apparently the sexy wig called more attention to my figure. I told my dad I wanted to lose 24 more lbs and he said I shouldn't drop a single lb because I was "perfect".

High praise from the father that once called me a blimp behind my back.

Nonetheless, I kept the wig on and was astonished at the reactions. When we stopped in WalMart men looked at me like I was a stripper there to rip off my clothes. A gas station attendant beamed at me and tried to make small talk.

I stopped by the restaurant I work at to see my sister and I stayed outside so no one would see me and 3 co-workers still ran into me and their jaws dropped.

Apparently I need to grow my hair longer, wear it straight and get bangs.

After my sister got off work, I went out with her to our favorite hang-out. A bar on the beach. The bartender, an old and dear friend of my sister and her fiancees, didn't disappoint me by forgetting to beg me to show him my "tits" all night.

Roger was there. When the bartender, Dino, kept saying "I bet they're nice", Roger assured him that they were.

I felt sexy, but I also felt like meat.

Roger put the moves on all night and I tried to keep him at bay. I didn't want to be pawed. Truthfully, my sister had brought a few other friends with her and she was hoping to hook another girl up with Roger, but he definitely only had eyes for me all night. He's so nice, but as much as I like him in a friendly way - I just don't like him beyond that.

Several times that night it occured to me that I almost wish Jeff could see me now. I am 30 lbs and 3 dress sizes smaller than when he last saw me. Men check me out everywhere I go. There would be some small satisfaction in seeing him shocked at the transformation in me but it's not complete yet.

I want to lose 24 more lbs and I want to grow my hair longer and cut it differently.

Possibly with those bangs...

It was fun to be incognito for the night. It was entertaining to realize that the change in hairstyle freaked out the men who knew me and had them looking at me in a different way. Even my dad was gawking.

I enjoyed shocking people. I enjoyed hearing that I looked good. I was in simple black pants and a plain white t-shirt and I garned as much ogling as if I were wearing tassels and a g-string. And by the end of the night, I felt hot.

I drove home alone at 3:30 am. A car of men pulled beside me and stared. I noticed them, but pointedly didn't look at them. They slowed to match my speed to stay alongside me. I ignored them. They tried to follow me at one point.

That was scary...

I still have fat girl syndrome where I feel like a fat girl. There are moments like last night when for just a few minutes I can feel sexy and I like it, but I still can't handle men. Roger was all over me and I couldn't seem to deflect his attentions. I managed to escape with only a few kisses but it was a battle. I have to learn to be able to stop these men in their tracks and be direct and tough with them.

For a former fat girl, that's not easy.

Still....30 lbs and 3 sizes down...I do feel pretty damned sexy! :)