The Wheel Turns
I picked up my sister's shift at work tonight and although it was slow, I managed to pocket an extra $50. Every little bit helps.
Things are moving in odd directions.
First, I have to finally admit that I think I still love Brad. I can't have him back and I don't think it will ever amount to anything - I don't even think he knows - but it's there.
Second, Jeff and I have begun civil communication via email. He and Jill have broken up and he's not sure what he's doing with his life, but somehow we've being civil and it seems to make me feel more at peace. It's easier to be civil, but not close, than it is for me to hate him so much.
Beyond my move, I don't know where my life is heading. I see and speak to Brad almost daily and while I don't think I could ever admit how I feel to him, it's hard. I don't want to try to be 'closer' but I am appreciating having him in my life.
I don't know if my life will ever involve more than working and parenting at this point. I'm not really sure that I care. I'm still figuring a lot out about myself. I have learned that I do not 'need' a man in my life, but I don't know yet if I want one or not. Some minutes I think yes and other moments I am happier on my own.
As MWCB would comment, it will all just take time.
1 comment:
Civil conversations with Jeff worry me. Especially since you'll have to see him so much while you are packing. He is pure evil. Maybe you should talk to his ex-wife. She could probably tell you all about the way that he behaves when he's in-between girlfriends.
I think that Brad is doing a pretty good job of being around but not being too close. He probably knows, at least viscerally, that you like/need for him to be close but not too close. In a way, he's on the rebound too. As much as he hates Jeff, he was probably hoping that things would work out between you two. As things are right now everybody's pain (his, yours Taylor's) was for nothing.
Not "needing" a man is one of the first steps towards being able to deal with a man if you want one. It's that freedom that gives clarity of thought and helps in the decision making process. Only bad things happen when we are blinded by love.
Post a Comment