Fight

Another blogger, Pretty Peanut, has posted what seems like a surrender to her marriage. She's reached a point of giving up and it's not hard to see why - things have been hard.

I commented. I told her to fight.

She said "Did you know that there are men in this world who literally worship their wives, men who think all day long of how wonderful she is? Men who never hang out with the boys, never watch sports, never sit around drinking beer, never look at porn or oogle at other women, but instead they spend all their time (except sleep and work) doing the shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, nurturing the children, and doing the other chores so the wife doesn't have to do them? Men who daily give their wives backrubs, footrubs, bubblebaths? Men who believe that his wife's happiness is the most important thing on earth? Man who accompany their wives when she goes shopping and hold her purse and purchases while she tries on new articles of clothing. Men who believe that sex is for the woman's pleasure and that she decides if, when, where, and how-and that her having ultimate fulfillment is what gives him fulfillment? Men who give the wife the final say in all matters, from where they go on vacation to how every cent of money is spent? Men who simply exist to make life happy for the women they love"

She added "Here's the deal. I know this, because I had it. He was it. He did all of those things. He was a knight in shining armor. He always made me feel like a queen.The problem? I treated him like crap. I took him for granted. I never appreciated him. I never showed that what he was doing was something that I appreciated. I just expected it after a while."

Yes, I know this story. I had one too. He hurt me and I couldn't get past it and in the end I opened the door to the foulest, most evil man alive who saw my marriage as a challenge and decided to take it away.

I would give anything to be in P.P.'s shoes. Anything to have a chance to fight for it. You can reach a point where it is too late - and EH/Brad and I have. But to be back in time, facing that opportunity to save our family again? I'd do anything.

Brad is my best friend. Still. We talk several times a day. He's there for me. He also has a way of letting me know he's well over me by telling me about the hot manager he's hitting on or remarking about girls he likes. He never did that before, so I suspect it's his way of keeping me distant from him or rubbing it in.

The connection we once had is gone. He'll listen to me and offer advice or encouragement, but it's clear that it's more objective and not from "love".

Yes, I let him go and yes, I lost him. I was wrong.

We had problems but we could have fixed them.

Now...? Now for us it really is too late.

Fight, Pretty Peanut. Fight like you're fighting for your life. Because in a way - you are.